I think the best example of tough love was the true story of a famous Danish female writer. She had raised her son and had always warned him that once he was eighteen years old, he would have to leave home and fend for himself. Her son never really believed her but on the morning of his eighteenth birthday, he found his bags had been packed and he was told that he had to leave home. Happy Birthday
This is perhaps an extreme example of tough love but generally in the parenting context, we mean that we have to be strict, hard and tough but it is really for the child’s own good. we have to be cruel to be kind. well, this is all wrong in a certain sense and the NIH (National Institutes of Health) says that ‘get tough treatments do not work’. Tough discipline and strict military tactics will not do the trick.
So we need another approach. we have to set limits but we can still do that by showing affection and love. we can impose rules but we can still bond with our kids.
Did you know that over 9,000 households were surveyed in the UK as part of the Millennium Cohort Study? The idea was to see what ‘tough love’ meant in practical and effective parenting. The study divided the sample into two groups. one group was formed of parents who were unmotivated parents and had a ‘couldn’t care less’ attitude. The other group were using a tough love stance but with the right mix of setting limits combined with warmth and affection.
The results showed very clearly that these young preschoolers who had the tough love treatment had formed much better characters and were much nicer kids by the age of five, than those parented by the unmotivated and uncaring parents.
Basically we can set the limits and the consequences because living in a family is a rather good rehearsal for living in the real world when the kids reach eighteen. we do not have to throw them out of the house but if we have raised them with warmth and affection and have shown them the ropes, then we really will have done a great job. But what about problem children?
When the going gets tough, you will need to know what to do with aggressive and mouthy kids. Sometimes parents are at a loss with problem children and that is why I recommend the behavior therapy program below. this really takes you by the hand and with a step by step approach and you can raise great kids. Why not try it out? Effective parenting is never easy but this makes it all possible.
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